IM GAY
by Kakashi The Most Awesome
Summary: just something humerous i thought of. sasuke reads a yaoi fic, his reaction, oneshot sasunaru
1. IM GAY

Authors note:

This is a quick one-shot, I have a disliking for Sasuke yaoi fics whatever shape or form! This is definitely just humour. All characters could be a little OOC because it's humour I want to do some exaggerating! Lol love it, please review!

I'M GAY!?

Sasuke had just finished a hard days training, it took a lot to summon Manda! The snake still had absolutely no respect for him, and it drained his chakra to the extent that Chidori drains chakra! However, he finally mastered the Summoning, and Manda seemed to have come around to a new way of thinking after months of persistent training. His tai-Jutsu had come along leaps and bounds under Orochimaru's training. He was faster, stronger and more skilled when executing various techniques.

It was at this time that Sasuke found himself drifting to his quarters, wondering to himself what would be a nice relaxing way to amuse himself before he had lunch and rest.

As he pushed the door open he was his laptop resting on his bed! As much as he tried to hide his secret love of fan-fiction, as much as he tried to suppress the desire to read various action packed fictions where he would pummel Naruto into the ground, he knew that he didn't have the energy to argue with his subconscious today.

Closing the door and moving over to his bed he picked up the laptop and connected to the net. Sure enough there was his homepage: Man he loved to read those fictions, it gave his ego a boost, and gave him plenty of cool comebacks that he could use next time Naruto would attempt 'Rescue' him.

As usual he picked the characters 'Naruto' and 'Sasuke' then the rating, usually T, but today he felt he wanted much more gore! He liked gore! So today he picked 'M'. Unfortunately for him this was his undoing, that and the fact that he was too lazy to pick a genre! If only he had, he would not have to read it!

He waited a moment as the page loaded 159 pages of fictions for him to browse through. And there near the top was a fiction that caught his eye, 'Naruto Is the Best!'

The thought of Naruto being the best made his skin crawl; it had to be a joke, why would anyone write this trash,

'I could beat Naruto even if my eyes where gauged out' he thought. Wanting to find out more he immediately clicked the link for the fiction.

Firstly he read the summery:

"Sasuke returned to Konoha after admitting that all he did was wrong and apologising desperately to Naruto and Sakura to forgive him, but after a day's hard training Sasuke has other revelations for Naruto's ears only: "Naruto Is The Best"

That really took the biscuit as far as Sasuke was concerned!

"Why would I apologise... least of all desperately... you people are sick you know that, SICK!!!!"

Angered by what he read he continued to read, the joy of flaming said author grew inside of him! How he loved to flame!!

Then he came to a paragraph that had a heading: '**Lemon'.** Having only ever read violent fictions where he beats the living crap out of Naruto, poor Sasuke had no idea of what this heading indicated!

He just made a small mental note to mention to the author that random words like lemon are not a good idea! Of course being the fiery hot head that he is, it would be worded slightly more aggressively! Then he foolishly continued to read.

This of course was Sasuke's biggest ever mistake! What he read there horrified him, he did indeed want to gauge out his eyes, only his yearning to kill his brother stopped this from happening.

Phrases that were mention haunted him and for this reason Sasuke flamed vigorously:

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! ARE YOU A COMPLETE RETARD! FIRST OFF WHY THE HELL WOULD SASUKE EVER AND I MEAN EVER, EVER, EVER... **APPOLOGISE** TO THOSE TO MORONIC TEAM MATES OF HIS... REALLY THINK ABOUT YOUR CHARACTERS ASS FACE!!"

As you can see Sasuke was angered by what he had read, but that was not it, he flamed and he flamed until he was all flamed out. He continued:

"AND FOR PETE'S SAKE, WHY WOULD SASUKE ADMIT THAT NARUTO IS THE BEST, EVEN IF HE WAS GOOD IN BED WHY WOULD SASUKE KNOW ABOUT THIS, HE'S STRAIGHT DAM IT!! WHY WOULD SASUKE LET NARUTO BRING HIS 'THROBBING MEMBER' ANY WHERE NEAR HIS 'PERFECTLY SCULPTED BOTTOM?!"

Sasuke quickly checked the authors name, 'Orochi123' it made his blood curdle.

"orochi123, you are sick you know that." He spoke to the screen as though the author would hear his plea and remove the story immediately! However there was no such luck!

So Sasuke decided that he would have to go on a private mission, he would sort this out no matter what, this meant a dreaded visit to Konoha!

He would have to make sure that there was no chance of this ever happening, after all Naruto was a bit odd and he kept trying to 'rescue' him, this could have been Naruto trying to show these deep and hidden feelings that he held for Sasuke! Yucky!

Sasuke himself couldn't blame poor Naruto for being attracted to him so, he was after all Uchiha Sasuke, he was smoking hot and anyone would be lucky to get in his pants! But he just didn't swing that way, and therefore, it had to be sorted!

He got a bag packed and headed for the exit of this week's hideout! He was stopped by the ever creepy Orochimaru!

"My dear Sasuke kun, where are you going?" he asked in the O so feminine voice, this leads Sasuke to explain his new mission!

"It's all because of some sick author on called Orochi123, he wrote the sick fan-fiction!" Sasuke finished the tale that was gradually making him feel more and more queasy!

As soon as the name of the author was mentioned Orochimaru went all quite and a slight blush formed on his cheeks! It was true; he was in fact the author! Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he realised that his sensei had committed this vile act of treason to his pupil!

"WHY, DID YOU THINK ANYTHING LIKE THAT, WOULD EVER HAPPEN?!" Sasuke fumed at his sensei. Orochimaru blushed some more, and smiled shyly.

"It's a small fantasy of mine!" his blush increased.

"WHY!? YOU DISGUSTING PERVERTED... PEADOPHILE YOU!" Sasuke continued frustrated by the lack of understanding that he was getting from his creepy sensei.

"But Itachi told me it was right up your street when we were in the Akutsuki together!" This made Sasuke sick to the bone! He was about to attack Orochimaru when he started his 'Body takeover Jutsu' (not sure of the name).

"It's ok Sasuke, soon you will discover the pleasures!" this made Sasuke's blood boil and after a small struggle he was able terminate his somewhat psychologically deranged sensei!

Sasuke strutted to the exit!!

Authors note: Thank you for reading, I don't except flames definitely not Sasuke style! Lol this is just humour for me and some friends on a forum so if you going to get uppity go elsewhere fan girls!! Anyone who wants to express any con-crit feel free!! And anyone who wishes to compliment me definitely feel free! thank you's!


	2. Chapter 2

IM GAY- chapter 2

In Konoha at an unsuspecting raman bar sat a now very satisfied Naruto Uzamaki. He had just finished his fifth bowl of ramen, and sakura was sat across from him and having drank too much sake must be taking after her sensei was slouched on the counter and Naruto had a good view of her developing chest. he must also be taking after his sensei he sat and giggled at his good luck, imagining what they might feel like.

However he knew only too well that you don't grope sakura, she has a famous temper. And so he just enjoyed the view in peace. Or at least this is what he thought.

'NARUTOOOO' screamed a familiar voice, he couldn't place his finger on it, but he knew that he had heard the same manic screaming voice before.

Unfortunately for Naruto the manic screaming roused his team mate and her cleavage was no longer on show. 'shame' thought Naruto.

Sakura's eyes were wide as she yelped 'SHIZUNE I AM WORKING' obviously this is something that happens quite a lot at the hospital. I would go to another hospital for treatment if I were you

However neither of the young Shinobi had time to think about what was happening as a very angry Shinobi with long silky black kinda like his sensei and purple ropes wrapped round his traditional Uchiha clan robe, his katana swinging wildly behind him.

'NARUTOOOO' he screamed yet again, birds took flight from nearby trees and some of Konoha's most fearless Shinobi ran for cover. Sasuke Uchiha was feared by all, it was not yet known if emo was contagious!

Naruto stood by his stool at ichiraku Raman and got into a power stance, he had one thing on his mind and one thing only, 'now I can save Sasuke, and sakura will let me touch her where ever I want as a reward' he puffed out his chest and ran out to meet his rival and ex team mate.

'SAAASUKEEEE' Naruto shouted, pointing at the Uchiha in a very exuberant fashion. He ran over to Sasuke till they where face to face.

There was silence, a tumble weed rolled past the pair of Shinobi that glared at each other, neither notice. If you listen carefully you can hear western style music in the back ground.

After about five minutes of this odd silence Sasuke nods his head over to a near by cyber café. Naruto follows, both look deadly serious, sakura finally awake from her slumber watches them walk into the café, still sleepy naughty thoughts enter her mind causing drool to drip out of her gaping mouth, just as they left her sight.

Back in the cyber café Sasuke Uchiha is throwing a hissy fit about the price to connect to the internet.

'3000 yen!? You have to be kidding me… its ridiculous! Its bloody internet not a 3 course meal!' Naruto looks at his long lost emo friend that he is "saving" bewilderment covered his features! Mind you, if your long lost emo friend that shunned you at every opportunity suddenly pops round take you to an internet café and then screams the place down about the price… you would be bewildered too!

Finally they get to a computer and log on, Naruto is still confused and Sasuke still hasn't opened his mouth. He types the web address in: /anime/naruto he chooses from the drop down menu's the same as before; Naruto, Sasuke, no genre, no rating, length all, status all. He had remembered the number of pages from yesterday's reading…159 pages! Some how that number had increased slightly to…

"413!! WHAT THE FUCK!!" Sasuke screamed his face was beetroot red with pure anger, he clicks on a fiction that sounded particularly sleezy, just to get his point across of course! It was called; 'Shinobi threesome' this one involved Neji!! This of course would annoy Sasuke even more!

"READ!" he shouted aggressively half at Naruto and half at the author 'SaSuKeS sExY sAkUrA bLoSsOm' Naruto looked confused, and also slightly worried at the fan girl ridden site that Sasuke seemed to have come into contact with!

What Naruto read damaged his mind more than it could even be damaged by sakura's constant bitch slapping. The opening paragraph was more than Naruto could handle, Hyuuga Neji getting off on two of the team 7 members fucking good and hard! The bit that make Naruto really cringe was…. The fact that neither of the characters had pink hair!! By the time the 3boys where spooning and Sasuke kissed his 'little fox' Naruto clicked the X in the top right of the screen!

Leaning into Sasuke he hissed "why the hell are you showing me this!?" the 'little fox' was clearly outraged!

Sasuke looked sort of pleased with Naruto's response… I mean now he knew that Naruto didn't want him back so the he could bum rape him, however a small niggling thought in the back of his mind said 'AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM!' I say small… it screamed so loud that Naruto could've heard it… if he ever listened that is. This was quickly counteracted by the appearance of Neji in the fiction, this must be what turned Naruto off so much!

"forget the fact that Neji is in the fiction!" Naruto couldn't believe his ears… was Sasuke really proposing gay sex? With him?? That little fag! Did he actually think that the kid that came up with the sexy harem jutsu would be interested in gay sex! Apparently Sasuke wasn't the sexy genius that sakura had always imagined!

"Sasuke…its just as gross!" now that really took the buscuit… what the hell was wrong.. wasn't he attractive?? "please tell me that you are not insinuating that this is something we should do? If it is…I'll let you know that I don't mind being put away for hate crimes towards a fag!" Naruto's voice was strangely steady and very scary… it almost scared the over confident Uchiha… but then of course he realised how awesome he was and the fear was gone!

"Naruto that really isnt it" Sasuke Coughed " I had read a different fiction… I erm… just had to make sure that…erm this wasn't coughs erm the reason for all the erm….erm rescue attempts is erm all" Sasuke covered up a slight blush rising across his face, he didn't know why, after all he wasn't a fag…right?

(authors note: there I have put some of that much needed uncertainty in it for Sasuke only, im afraid that I just don't see Naruto as a homosexual at all… in fact I bet hes a bit homophobic, by the way the fiction is real in this one, nothing against the fic or the author… I just wanted something that sounded real seedy… and that one did!!

Lols I hope you like it… I have more coming, please con-crit… like I said before I don't like flames, fan girl's be gone…any compliments are definitely welcome! :D:D


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